The First Two Weeks

It would be fair to say that things are going better than expected. But it also would be fair to say that if you expect ultimate chaos all the time, then anything less than that would seem easier.

The first couple of days were lovely. The bliss of a new cute baby managed to outweigh her brother's displeasure at her arrival. Plus the help of Grandma did wonders for everyone's sanity and rest. Day three was just our new family of four and suddenly things didn't seem so manageble. I spent most of my time in bed, but thought poor Aaron would go crazy. It seems that day three was just an adjustment day for everyone (especially Harmon) and that things have steadily improved from there.

Harmon started out screaming/throwing himself on the floor/rejecting me when Sammy was brand new and would cry. Now he will come over and pat her, he has stopped rejecting me (it was easier to do so when Aaron was home, not so much when it's just me) and only occasionally feels the need to melt down when Sammy is crying. It's fair though, I kind of want to melt down when she screams bloody murder.

Last Monday, 6 days after having Sammy, Aaron went back to work. And we were alone. I think Aaron was more scared for me than I was. And honestly, things went really really well. Probably partially because Sammy sleeps a lot still. And because she can't move on her own. And because Harmon is getting used to his new life. And because I am getting WAY more sleep than when I was pregnant, and this makes me feel 100 times better. Also my body is recovering 10 times faster than when I had Harmon, so that makes life easier too.

I have decided a bad day consists of Sammy, Harmon, and me all crying at the same time. Of the 4 days we have spent alone, none of them have been bad. Day 4 was kind of stressful, and the kids often decide to cry and be starving at the same time, but we have yet to reach the all of us crying point. I have no doubt it will come someday, but I hope to keep it at bay as long as possible.

So, my report for the first two weeks is that having two kids less than 14 months apart is great. I really enjoy both of them, Harmon makes me laugh so much, and Samantha is a good cute cuddler. I choose to live in the bliss that we are currently enjoying and am trying to block out what will happen when both children crawl/walk/run/gang up on me on purpose.

P.S. Church is ridiculous with one small child, add another and it's insane. I think in the 3 hours we spent at church Aaron managed to get about 30 minutes total in class, and me about 45.

I'm Ready. No I'm Not.

This is the 4 minute loop that plays in my head all day.

First I think: yes, I am going to have two kids, 13 month apart, everything will be fine (I have no idea why I think this).

Then 30 seconds later I panic: what? I have a one-year-old who just started walking, likes to attempt to dive out of shopping carts, is becoming more and more "willful" and likes being held an awful lot. How does a baby who can't do anything for themselves fit into this situation without a lot of screaming from one or both of them?

I talk myself down: No no, lots of other people have done this. They all survived. None of them died. Some of them even had lots of kids close together

Panic: When will I sleep/shower/sleep/shop/sleep/sleep/clean/sleep/read/sleep?

Calm: I will go to bed early, I will beg others for help, I will be fine.

Panic: What if my kids hate each other? What if Harmon gets hurt while I am taking care of the baby? What if Harmon pokes/bites/squashes/beats on the baby? What if my new baby is ugly? (a totally important fear, right.)

Calm: I hate being pregnant. Being not pregnant will be great.

Panic: insert any new thought on the difficulty of having two children, especially two very young children.

Repeat.

[PS Sorry about the weird formatting, it's being mean to me.]

Alert: You are about to have two

On Sunday Aaron re-realized we are about to have two children. One whom we call destructor and another who will be unable to do anything for herself. I think he was terrified.

Also a big high-five to all the strangers who have pointed out to me lately: "you will have your hands full very soon!" Here is my reply to all of them: A. My, you are observant B. Thank you, I had no idea! C. Come over to my house right now, my hands are already full D. You need a chop.

Sibling Rivalry or Mommy Torture?

It seems that every time I nurse Harmon that inside baby (we are calling her Baby Niña now) kicks. A lot. Which always seems to make Harmon pound his hand on my belly. I'm not sure if they are playing a game, called beat on mommy, or getting a head start on beating each other. Either way, it makes me laugh and wonder what it will be like in a few short months when we will have both of them on the outside, and how much I will have to protect Baby Niña from Harmon.

Confession

Today is destroying me.

Being sick, pregnant, nursing, and taking care of a 10 month old who has been up all night the last two nights (sick? teeth? thinks it's funny?) is wiping me out big time.

Not complaining, no sympathy needed, just confessing.

The Fat or Pregnant Stage

This is a stage that probably everyone hates, but I feel like this time it has lasted much longer and is much worse.

On the rare occasion I venture out of the house alone it seems obviously to all that there is a baby in my belly. Old men at the grocery store even tell me congratulations, they aren't scared. But when I am with my lovely 9 1/2 month old, I'm just fat. I will even go out of my way to tell people, and they reply: Oh, I had no idea, you don't look like you're pregnant! Ugh.

I mean come on people, I'm over 5 months pregnant, it looks like a pregnant belly. Just because I am carting around a huge young baby doesn't mean it's just fat. Go ahead and ask. It makes me happy. Aaron tells me I have to take one for the team, that it's better to not ask people who are not pregnant and ignore those who are, just in case. I still say ugh.

Next time I will make sure to have my kids farther apart, just to clear up any confusion.

Was that on purpose?

That's a nice way of saying "was getting pregnant an accident?" But really it's asking the same thing. My answer is always yes and no. Yes, we were planning on having children close together (you know, like 16 or 17 or 18 months apart, or maybe just within the same ten year period) but no we were not thinking that with a 4 month old we should have another baby stat. Although we did and do really really REALLY like Harmon, so the thought of more of him was quite pleasing.

When we found out that I was pregnant we were happy. No, we were probably elated. A bit shocked, a bit scared, but mostly just happy.

People's reactions to the news is always funny to me. There are those who are shocked but try to hide it. Others seem genuinely happy for us (like my dad's neighbor who has daughters 17 months apart, she thinks it's the best, or a friend with twins, she also seemed believably excited). Some think we are insane and tell us to our faces, others try to hide but probably tell all mutual friends about how crazy we are. All of my parents are happy. Especially now that it turns out to be a girl. But they are all hog wild about Harmon, now there will just be more babies to pass around so everyone gets more turns. But they all like to tell me how anyone they tell is shocked and asks "didn't she just have a baby??" I like all the responses, because I know that if I was on the other side being told, I would probably be shocked (and think they were crazy) and be happy for them all at the same time.

Because I Need Another Blog

It's not like I have a lot of time on my hands, because I don't really. It's not because I don't already have 3 (or so) other blogs. It's just because I want to be cool and have a funny mommy blog. You know, where I tell stories about getting barfed on repeatedly or how my kids throw a super tantrum in the store. Sure, I suppose I could tell about that on our "family" blog. But I get too many complaints about "mommy blogging". Or I could write about it on the kids brag page, but that's for bragging (ok, it's for remembering, because I don't ever write a journal or keep up with baby books). I suppose I could even write about it on my "ramblings" blog, but that too seems wrong. So pretend I don't have fifty blogs. Just one blog with many different parts. This part is the one humorous one about Harmon, and his forthcoming fetus sibling ALF.